My Husband's Experience of Pepper's Birth

During my pregnancy in one of the many conversations with our midwife my husband stated that our 3rd birth (our first home birth) was traumatic for him. This came as a huge shock for me as in my mind, even though I knew it wasn't a perfect birth and the transfer to hospital wasn't fun, I still felt it was healing for me in many ways. It was helpful that my midwife encouraged him to explore this as he prepared for our 4th birth (our second home birth). Since the birth he has expressed a huge admiration for me for what he experienced in Pepper's birth. His main desire was that I feel in control of the birth and that I was free to follow my instincts and body as I birthed our 4th baby. He felt the need to leave me to labour on my own for the first few hours, not because he didn't want to be part of it (he hardly left my side in our first 3 births and was a huge support massaging me and sharing words of encouragement), but because he felt I needed to be able to tune in with my body as I entered the birthing process and not to be distracted. This was also my desire throughout pregnancy but I had still thought it meant he would be by my side the entire time. It turned out he was right and I did need to be alone in those first hours to focus and not have any distractions.

When I asked him to read Pepper's birth story and if there was anything he remembered that I should add he said that his best memory and the best part of the whole birth was when my midwife arrived and checked to find the head crowning (which I had already checked and knew), I said to my midwife "I did it". My husband said this was amazing given I had not even birthed the baby yet, but already to be having the self confidence to be saying I had done what I set out to do. My midwife then said to me "You are beautiful" and I replied straight away saying "Yes, I am beautiful". This, my husband says, was a blessing to hear as I have had such a journey over the years with self esteem and other challenges relating to my childhood, so to hear me saying this with such confidence was all he needed to hear to feel so blessed in this birth. Also having no repeat experience of a PPH and to be able to enjoy our family of 6 in our own home in the hours and days after birth with no pressure to get back into life quickly, added to healing experience for my husband.

For me this was another example of the transforming power of birth, being able to birth on my own terms and in my own way without interference enabled me to move into a greater sense of self confidence and feeling powerful as I stepped into the next chapter of motherhood. It also brought healing to my husband for his own experiences of trauma from our past births.