My Husband's Experience of Pepper's Birth

During my pregnancy in one of the many conversations with our midwife my husband stated that our 3rd birth (our first home birth) was traumatic for him. This came as a huge shock for me as in my mind, even though I knew it wasn't a perfect birth and the transfer to hospital wasn't fun, I still felt it was healing for me in many ways. It was helpful that my midwife encouraged him to explore this as he prepared for our 4th birth (our second home birth). Since the birth he has expressed a huge admiration for me for what he experienced in Pepper's birth. His main desire was that I feel in control of the birth and that I was free to follow my instincts and body as I birthed our 4th baby. He felt the need to leave me to labour on my own for the first few hours, not because he didn't want to be part of it (he hardly left my side in our first 3 births and was a huge support massaging me and sharing words of encouragement), but because he felt I needed to be able to tune in with my body as I entered the birthing process and not to be distracted. This was also my desire throughout pregnancy but I had still thought it meant he would be by my side the entire time. It turned out he was right and I did need to be alone in those first hours to focus and not have any distractions.

When I asked him to read Pepper's birth story and if there was anything he remembered that I should add he said that his best memory and the best part of the whole birth was when my midwife arrived and checked to find the head crowning (which I had already checked and knew), I said to my midwife "I did it". My husband said this was amazing given I had not even birthed the baby yet, but already to be having the self confidence to be saying I had done what I set out to do. My midwife then said to me "You are beautiful" and I replied straight away saying "Yes, I am beautiful". This, my husband says, was a blessing to hear as I have had such a journey over the years with self esteem and other challenges relating to my childhood, so to hear me saying this with such confidence was all he needed to hear to feel so blessed in this birth. Also having no repeat experience of a PPH and to be able to enjoy our family of 6 in our own home in the hours and days after birth with no pressure to get back into life quickly, added to healing experience for my husband.

For me this was another example of the transforming power of birth, being able to birth on my own terms and in my own way without interference enabled me to move into a greater sense of self confidence and feeling powerful as I stepped into the next chapter of motherhood. It also brought healing to my husband for his own experiences of trauma from our past births.

The Home Birth of Pepper Marie 21/05/2011

Pregnancy

As I neared the end of my 4^th pregnancy I was feeling so well within myself, probably more than I had even felt when I was not pregnant. The last 9 weeks I had worked hard on my health seeing an acupuncturist and chiro, taking supplements and doing the emotional work I needed to in preparation for a good birth. My main aim was to prevent another large PPH after experiencing two in a row in my 2^nd and 3^rd births, which caused me to feel very unwell after the births. The midwife I chose for this birth turned out to be just what I needed and supported me physically, emotionally and even spiritually. Our ante natal care consisted of a lot of talking and an emotional depth that I had not experienced for any of my past pregnancies. We did have the usual blood pressure tests, blood tests and listening to the baby's heartbeat with a pinard, but other than that and the one ultrasound I opted for at 17 weeks just to check that it was not a multiple pregnancy, was all we needed on the 'medical' side of things. This time around I felt so much more trust in my body so declined every other test offered to me.

I was due, by my dates (which I worked out on a 35 day cycle), on May 22^nd. I had gone at least a week ‘over’ with two out of three of my babies, so was conscious of this when I worked out my EDD. It felt wonderful to be so healthy and not to be wishing away the end of pregnancy, which is how I had felt with my 3^rd baby due to feeling tired and experiencing pelvis instability. I was thankful to have not experienced this again and to have had great energy levels in my last 2 months of pregnancy.

Labour Begins

On May 20^th I started to feel a little ‘over it’, not because I felt unwell but just because I was so keen to meet the next member of our family. My mum came over in the afternoon and took my 13 yr old and my 2 yr old whilst my 11 yr old was still at school. I decided to spend the time doing something nice so had a bath and enjoyed some time relaxing in a quiet house. That evening my husband and I decided to get take away with the kids and I chose a medium curry whilst laughing with my husband that maybe the curry might get bubs moving. After I finished my curry I started getting very mild cramps that by the second cramp I started to time them. They were coming every 20 minutes apart but were so mild I still didn’t know if it was the start of labour. Around 10pm I started to panic as all the kids were still up and the cramps had continued, still only around 15-20 minutes apart and for 30 seconds at a time, but they were consistent. My husband found a homeopathic remedy for anxiety around birth and started giving it to me whilst rounding up the kids and getting them into bed. I read some books to my toddler and fed her to sleep and by 10:30pm the house was quiet and I started to focus on calming my anxiety.

By 11pm I finally ‘knew’ I was in labour and that we would have a baby by the morning. I messaged my friend who was sending out texts for a prayer chain for me asking them to start praying. I then sent a text to my midwife before she went to bed just to let her know that tonight was the night and also to my student midwife who would also be at the birth. I laboured on my own in my bedroom with the room candlelit and playing worship music I had chosen a few weeks earlier. I soon felt in control and focused to now enter into the birthing process. The next hour and a half was so peaceful, labouring on my own with contractions around 10 minutes apart. It wasn’t too painful at this stage and was managed easily with rocking from side to side standing up over the side of the birth pool.

At 12:30pm my husband called my midwife said it was time to make her way over (she lives over an hour away). Knowing she would take a while I decided to go for a walk around the block as it was a mild Autumn night and it was getting hot and stuffy in my room. My husband had started filling the birth pool so we left the house and slowly started around the block. It was strange for the weekend to be so quiet in our neighbourhood, but it was lovely to know I could labour with freedom in the outdoors. My walk around the block quickly took my contractions, which were still around 10 minutes apart down to 2 minutes apart. Half way around the block my midwife called and spoke to my husband about a hold up she was having and that she had only just left her home. By this time it was already 1:30am and I knew that by staying active I could move the labour on and birth fairly quickly. I had a slight anxiety attack but quickly bought myself together with the help of my husband and decided I just needed to get on with the business of birthing. I had desired from the start of this pregnancy that my birth be as unhindered as possible and that I did not have interruptions with checks or anyone questioning what I was doing. I also thought about the idea of free birth but felt strongly that with my PPH history I needed the support of a trusted midwife to support me during pregnancy and after the birth.

After going back inside for a few contractions and seeing them slow down again, I decided to go outside and pace out the front. I had a few contractions on our front fence, which were very painful and I soon felt I couldn’t stay on my feet for much longer. I asked my husband to get a rug and the exercise ball and put them on the front lawn to labour on. I also said a quick prayer asking God to allow my waters to break as I felt I was transitioning and I just felt a strong need for waters to break before I got into the birth pool. I then had 3 strong contractions around 2 minutes apart on the mat leaning over the ball and on the third one my waters broke fully over the front lawn, which felt amazing.

I headed inside to the toilet as I had been continually emptying my bladder throughout the labour to make sure my uterus could contract properly after birth. I had one contraction on the toilet, which was very painful and then I quickly got into the birth pool. It was 2:35am by this time and my midwife and student midwife had still not arrived. I was actually relieved that I was still mainly on my own. It was lovely just having husband and my 13 yr old daughter who my husband had woken after my waters broke. He knew we might need extra support sensing I close to birthing this baby and she was a fantastic support in my last birth whispering positive encouragement to me continually. After I entered the pool, I knew I could feel the baby move down and felt more ‘pushy’ with the contractions and they no longer felt overwhelming which was another sign for me that I had moved past transition. I checked with my fingers and could not feel the head but felt very dilated. The next 15 minutes I spent roaring with every contraction and then whispering, “Come down and meet us bubby”. I continued to check for the head and soon enough I felt that it was coming down as I continued to labour. During a break between contractions I did question whether I was being too loud and whether I would wake our toddler who was sleeping in the room opposite us, thankfully she didn’t wake.

My midwife walked in just before 2:50am and quickly tried to check the baby’s heartbeat with the doppler but with no success given I was already pushing. So she just sat back and watched and added to the praise my daughter and husband were already giving about how well I was doing. My student midwife walked in just before 3am and at 3:04am I pushed out our baby in one contraction. I planned for someone to get my toddler when the head was out but my body just continued pushing and there was no time for stopping. I reached down and picked her up and felt amazing for what I had done entirely on my own.

My 13 yr old quickly went and got our toddler so she could meet her new sibling and our 11 yr old son who was pacing in the hallway came into the room as well. We didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl for a few minutes as every time I would try and peek, she would scream and hold her legs shut. I soon got a chance and confirmed that we had our 3^rd daughter.

Within 30 minutes I was giving our little girl her first breastfeed and then feeling more and more uncomfortable my midwife asked if I wanted to get out of the pool to birth the placenta. I knew I needed to stay in the pool so just squatted a little and at 3:42am I birthed the placenta. My midwife had given me some Motherwort tincture after the birth and then 20 minutes after the placenta was birthed I had a small gush of blood in the pool so she gave me a dose of Shepherds Purse. I then got out of the pool and got comfortable on my side on the bed. An hour later I had another small gush on the bed and took another dose of Shepherds Purse. I gave Pepper another breastfeed and my toddler, Milly, decided to jump on the other side to for our first attempt at tandem feeding.

As it was now over 2 hours after the birth and I only had the two small gushes we decided it was time to get some sleep, so my toddler, my husband and our new baby tucked up in bed together feeling pretty amazing but in need of a good sleep. We all woke at 9am ready for some toast and to share our news with our family and friends. Before our midwife left she weighed our baby girl and found that she was 9lbs 6 ozs. We continued on with the birth with the placenta and cord still attached until Pepper was lotus born at 5:09am on 25/5/2011.

Preventing Post Partum Hemorrhage with Pre-Natal Care

When I set out on the journey of planning our 4th baby, I knew I would be labelled as ‘high risk’ by the medical profession due to two previous PPH’s in my 2^nd and 3rd births. My first two births were in hospital. I was induced for my first birth and consequently experienced further interventions. My 2nd birth, 21 months later, was spontaneous and largely intervention free, but I suffered a large PPH of 950 mls. The third stage was managed and three hours after birth I was whisked off to surgery for a D&C with the assumption of ‘retained placenta’. This PPH was only noticed during a routine check a few hours after the birth, even though I had probably been bleeding slowly since giving birth. Due to the delay in my PPH being discovered, I was already suffering from the blood loss and was very ‘out of it’ before corrective action was taken.

When planning my 3rd birth, this time after a 9 year gap, the issue of my last PPH came up when talking with my midwife, but we assumed that this was due to the third stage being managed and therefore there was a good chance another PPH would not occur. I also placed hope in the fact that I had chosen a home birth would negate the possibility of negative outcomes. I enjoyed a lovely pregnancy and birthed my baby in 6 hours. However, I again started to bleed slowly after birth, but this time my midwife monitored me closely and made the decision to give me a shot of Syntometrine an hour after the birth. This managed to stop the blood loss, but my blood pressure was still abnormal due to the bleed being more than a litre. Given that I was still feeling very sick and not really ‘with it’ the decision was made to transfer me to hospital 2 hours after the birth. The hospital experience wasn’t fantastic but the blood transfusion I consented to made me feel much better than after my 2^nd birth with no transfusion.

Discussing the possibility of another home birth with my midwife, I was told that it was possible, but that her desire would be that we manage the third stage from the start. This was not something I was keen to do, as after experiencing PND with my first baby, I was aware of the importance of not interrupting the high natural oxytocin levels that are present in the first hours after birth. When I fell pregnant with my 4^th baby, I looked at my choices of midwives in my area, but found that the best option was the same midwife I had in my last home birth. I really respected my midwife and was happy with how she handed the situation with my PPH, but wasn’t keen to have a managed third stage. I also just had a feeling that I needed something different for this birth, but wasn’t sure exactly what that was. When I met with my midwife at 5 weeks, I expressed my wishes for a natural third stage and that I felt my confidence had grown in relation to childbirth and that if it turned out my pregnancy was multiple or with a breech position then I may need to look for another midwife. My midwife was happy with this and we started out on the journey for my fourth baby.

As the weeks continued I became more and more uneasy about my midwife and still felt I needed something different for this birth. Around 14 weeks into the pregnancy I was feeling very stressed and confused and I still hadn’t had my official first appointment with my midwife due to the busy time of the year. I contacted another midwife from Melbourne and discussed possible alternative midwives who might travel to support me in my birth. I was informed of another midwife that lived an hour from us who might consider travelling and who was worth contacting. The next day I phoned the ‘possible midwife’ and straight away I felt a peace coming from her that felt ‘right’. She agreed to meet me two weeks later and have a chat about my ideas around this pregnancy and birth. From the start of the meeting with the ‘possible midwife’ we ‘clicked’ and after two hours of debriefing my births and discussing my desires, her philosophies and how that all fitted together, I knew she was the right midwife for this pregnancy and birth.

By this time it was mid December and due to my new midwife going away in January, we made our first appointment for the start of February when I would be 24 weeks. I felt good about this timeframe as I felt a desire to have fewer appointments in this pregnancy and at this stage I still did not feel ready to fully ‘enter into’ the pregnancy. This was not in a disconnected way, rather I had a peace with where I currently was and I needed to sit in this place for a while.

When February came around I was feeling ready and was excited to finally be starting the journey. At our first appointment the PPH’s were at the top of the agenda and we started the discussion of what we could do to reduce my chances of experiencing another one. My midwife knew my wishes for a natural third stage and supported that unless I bled quickly or the bleeding would not stop. I agreed that I would definitely want her to take what steps she needed to if I had a quick bleed (which was not in my history) or if my bleeding did not stop like my last birth. We also discussed other alternatives to stop the bleeding such as using certain herbs, breastfeeding quicker after birth (I did not feed my 3^rd baby until 1.5 hours after birth), making sure my birth space was quiet, dim and uninterrupted and that I could quickly access the toilet to empty my bladder and also get onto the bed quickly to get comfortable after birth (again all things that were missing from my 3^rd birth). My midwife also suggested exploring possible emotional/psychological reasons for the bleeds as I continued on in the pregnancy.

We continued our appointments every few weeks and by 31 weeks I was feeling very tired and not very well within myself. My midwife challenged me about my overall health and suggested I start to see an acupuncturist to work on my blood and energy levels and also a chiropractor to work on my back, which had been sore for the last few weeks. We were also aware that I needed to be conscious of the diagnosis of pregnancy induced osteoporosis that had occurred 4 months after the birth of my 3^rd baby after experiencing 2 spinal fractures. This had resulted in losing 4cms of my height going from 157cms to 153cm. It dawned on me that I only had 9 weeks until I was ‘due’ and that I needed really step up and take control of my health and not see out the rest of my pregnancy being in pain and feeling out of control. Over the next few weeks I made an appointment for the acupuncturist for 33 weeks and the chiropractor for 35 weeks. The chiropractor was local but the acupuncturist was personally recommended to me as a specialist for pregnancy so I ended up travelling an hour to see her. At 32 weeks my midwife found the baby in a transverse position, which again gave me motivation to get on top of my health. I knew it was still early and transverse at this time was quite normal in subsequent pregnancies but again knowing I had lost 4cms in my height since my last birth put some ‘unknowns’ around positioning and the room for baby to move.

Things from that stage changed very quickly, after seeing the acupuncturist for the first time my energy started to increase, she said it was clear my blood was not looking good and she needed to work on balancing it out so was could reduce the chance of bleeding at the birth. She also noted the transverse position and did some work on encouraging bubs into a head down position. I continued to see her fortnightly right up until the birth. By the time I went to the chiropractor at 35 weeks bubs had already turned head down and the chiro just worked on my pelvis which she said was restricted by 3cms and she was surprised I had not had any pelvis pain as yet and only the back pain. She adjusted it gently and then made another appointment for 2 weeks time with another appointment 3 weeks later around the time I was ‘due’. When I went back two weeks later I was still without back pain and feeling great, the chiro confirmed that my pelvis had stayed in the right position and there was no need for me to come back unless I had pain again.

The next week I finished work and was still feeling great. This was so different to my last pregnancy where I actually was due to finish 4 weeks before I was due but ended up taking some sick leave and finishing 6 weeks early as I was so tired and in pain. This all was making me feel more confident about the changes that were happening with my health and giving me more hope that this time we would be able to birth at home without a transfer again, being able to enjoy the time after birth for the first time since my first birth 13 years ago.

Having a bit more time after finishing work I started reading a book called “Lotus Birth” by Shivam Rachana. It really spoke to me and helped me to start exploring the possible emotional/psychological aspects of my two PPH’s. I thought about the PND I had experienced after the birth of my 1st child which was still there after the birth of my 2nd and wondered whether my PPH was a way of trying to stop the pregnancy ending so I didn’t have to move into the next step of being a mother which I had felt such a failure as to begin with. Even though it had been years since my PND and I had done a lot of work to find healing from it, I acknowledged that my body could still be reacting in the same way. I also wondered about whether I could feel the same way with my 4^th baby as even though I did not experience any PND with my 3^rd baby, I still experienced the back fractures when she was 4 months old which resulted in me being in chronic pain for a long time afterwards. I wondered if choosing a Lotus Birth was a way of slowing the ‘birth’ and a way of embracing the placenta and not feeling thrown into the next stage of the birth being over so quickly. I discussed this with my midwife at my next appointments and she agreed that it was a good idea and was very familiar with Lotus Births and had supported many over the years. My husband was not as comfortable with the idea but when I explained the reasons behind it he soon agreed that it was a decision I needed to make as I felt so strongly about it in our plan to reduce the chances of another PPH.

At 37 weeks I was blessed with a beautiful Blessing Way organised by a dear friend of mine. The time was so special with candles lit, prayers expressed, births shared and my friends and family sent home with their own personal prayer request for my birth, which included prayer asking for a normal birth with a minimal bleeding. At 39 weeks I went back to my acupuncturist who commented that I actually had ‘too much’ energy and she needed to balance me out the other way a bit more. I was getting up every morning at 8am and going non-stop until 11pm at night before I dropped into bed. This was unheard of for me who usually crashed in the last trimester needing afternoon sleeps most days. That night I felt so exhausted much quicker than usual and the next few days I was so tired and needing to sleep in the afternoon again. This had me worried and so I emailed the acupuncturist to make another appointment for the following week. A few days later I was feeling much better and seemed to have a better balance of my energy levels so decided to cancel the appointment.

By the Wednesday of the next week I finally felt ‘ready’ to have the baby. I knew I had done everything in the pre-natal period that I needed to do to fully prepare for the birth and was very confident that we had a great chance at not experiencing another PPH … now it was time to wait until bubs was ready to come … it turned out we did not have to wait long. On the Friday night I went into labour and our fourth baby was born early Saturday morning with only a 550 ml loss after birth.

I am so thankful that I trusted my instincts and continued to look for another midwife who really helped me to prepare physically, emotionally and even spiritually for a normal birth. I am also thankful for my beautiful husband who supported me at every turn even when I didn’t make much sense to him and he wasn’t sure exactly why I needed a different midwife or needed to choose a Lotus Birth. He now understands why and has expressed his admiration for my decisions and is in awe of the way I birthed, finally birthing completely my way.